It was never about what I’d lose, it was always about what I’d gain.

I tried hard to regain my focus, it was bright and noisy. I remember reaching for what would have been the endotracheal tube being pulled out of my throat. I was drifting in and out of sleep but completely aware of the organised whirlwind going on around me. I was being passed from one bed … Continue reading It was never about what I’d lose, it was always about what I’d gain.

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“When you let go of what you are, you become what you might be”. Lao Tzu

My phone rang, it must have been about half past ten in the morning. The voice on the other line was a familiar one. She was asking if I could come into clinic at the hospital this afternoon, the results of my biopsy had come back from Birmingham Hospital. A week on since I’d had … Continue reading “When you let go of what you are, you become what you might be”. Lao Tzu

Uncertainty, in the presence of vivid hopes and fears, is painful, but must be endured if we are to live without the support of comforting fairy tales.

The above passage from a book called ‘A History of Western Philosophy’ by Bertrand Russell jumped straight out at me as I scanned across the pages. I recall being half way through a seventy-two-hour chemotherapy cycle, I was bored, pissed off and was just doing my best to pass the time when I was stopped … Continue reading Uncertainty, in the presence of vivid hopes and fears, is painful, but must be endured if we are to live without the support of comforting fairy tales.